Ecology of the Line Geek
Where will you be Thursday (May 1st) at 10:45pm? I will be at the local cineplex waiting in a line for Ironman. It's not even a movie I'm particularly excited to see. I sure as hell don't know anything about Ironman. In fact, I learned everything I know about him from Hollywood by watching trailers. And that is sad. That's like deciding what Frodo looks like through watching the Lord of the Rings movies. Ya know, they even put Elijah Wood's face on the book covers now. Don't get me wrong, I loved the movies, but Elijah is merely pretending to be Frodo. Clearly, the fellowship looks exactly like the old Royal Doulton figurines.
However, I digress. What I really want to talk about is waiting in line. I like it. Not all lines, of course. For example, I hate amusement park lines, and I despise waiting in line for a sharp kick to the groin, no one likes that. More specifically, I like the movie line environment and the culture surrounding it. It's like an outdoor festival populated by fanboys and fangirls. It's a place where your position in line is a direct reflection of your geek superiority over the people behind you.
There is a certain degree of line-waiting that is beyond my ability. I mean, I'm not a camp-out-for-two-months-for-Star-Wars-Episode-I kind of guy. I think that rocks and I'd love to do it at least once, but I can't remember any particular span of my life when I had that kind of free time (apart from years 0-3, I had loads of free time, all of which was frittered away babbling and pooping myself). However, I will gladly dedicate a night to standing among a hundred of other people as cranked up about something as I am.
The quality of said movie is really inconsequential. Think about it. Even if it is awful, you get to hate it with all the other people filing out. And geeks know how to hate things. We excel in that category. Anyone see the Dungeons & Dragons movie? Yup, I did. Opening night. Was it good? Hmm, how can I explain this... When it ended, the collective hate among everyone in attendance towards the douchenozzel that made this movie caused the very air to warp and blur around us. It became almost tangible as it flowed and oozed through the theatre. I think I even saw some of those flying ghost devils that melted faces in Raiders of the Lost Ark. It was as if our communal presence unified and absorbed all the evil from the nearest Pet Cemetery, channeling it (kinda like a "Movie Geek Death Star" device) into an atomic hate bomb. We could've destroyed all of San Diego with a single forum post. I still flip the movie around on the shelf whenever I am at Blockbuster so as to save my fellow geeks from making the same mistake.
I don't care too much whether or not the Ironman movie is good, but I'm hoping for a good line.
(Addendum: We saw Ironman last night, very good movie, but alas, there was no line to wait in. However, it did provoke the following legendary quote from my buddy Dave: "Hey, let's check out Mira Mesa [a different theatre in San Diego], I bet there's a great line over there!" Ha ha, classic.)
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