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The Fight Before Christmas

The holidays are always rough on me. I fly up to northen California and I have to leave my true love behind: my PC. This year, I got so lonely and depressed and emo about not being able to play Modern Warfare 2 that I actually wrote a powem(!). Yes, you read that right, a powem, which is of course short for power poem. If it was just a poem then it wouldn't be l33t.

Note: This powem was born from my love for MW2. If you don't understand this powem, then you are bad at buying good games.

 

The Fight Before Christmas
a powem by Brolo

'Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,
not a gizmo was whirring, except for my mouse.
The monitor pulsated, spit a red glow,
as killstreaks and headshots came fast in a row.

Then out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I said to myself "Go see what's the matter!"
But at that same moment my killstreak extended,
In less than a minute the match would be ended.

An AC-130 rose into the heavens;
As red boxes scattered, my streak passed eleven.
The foes knew just as I did that their end was near,
the t-nuke was a-cooking... wait what did I hear??

I crept to the window, lip quivering with fear
(I have a phobia that involves a reindeer)
But my guardian angel took pity on me,
for no reindeer in sight; just elves with NVG.

One dainty dwarf hoisted a grenade overhead,
while another elf yanked on the pin with a thread.
Then with surprising strength, given such a small bloke,
the elf heaved it to my rooftop, trailing red smoke!

A Stinger was required to protect this house;
I sneaked to the armory, quiet as a mouse,
Then up past the attic, through the secret trapdoor.
My weapon was ready; I was eager for war.

I listened intently and from out of the east,
there came a faint jingle and the snort of a beast.
Something was approaching, so I aimed down my sight
at whatever was lighting that single red light.

The chirp of a target lock beeped with a quickness;
my murderous missile flew into the darkness.
That mysterious craft, so ripe with foreboding,
would soon be bye-bye, 'cuz that shit was exploding.

But right before impact, it jettisoned its flares,
like an angel of death way up in the night air;
Still the craft hurdled towards me, heedless and bold,
then screeched to a halt, while something fell from its hold.

A large metal crate clattered onto the shingles.
Inside was a gift that kinda made me tingle:
A relationship handbook (along with some lube)
titled "Tactical Insertion: Use your Noob Tube".

I grinned like a child as a tear escaped my eye;
It was just what I wanted, this book and KY.
How could I thank the kind man hovering above
who would repay my attempted murder with love?

A whoosh whooshed overhead, my smile melted away,
for Manta Claus was picking up speed in his sleigh.
But I heard him exclaim, 'fore he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all! Hope you get laid tonight!"

 

Join me on Steam for MW2! Brolo's Mosh Pit!!!!!

Fancy a little of the ultra-violence, MW2-style? Join the Steam group "Brolo's Mosh Pit" and get ready to pwn everything that moves. Don't be shy! Oh, and if you're a console gamer, don't feel left out. I have some plans in the work... we'll make sure you guys get some love, too. \m/

 

What I'm listening to: Vektor

This band is incredible. Simply incredible. Progressive black thrash metal heavily influenced by science fiction. Yeah, you read that right; they have a song titled "Expanding Universe" and another called "Deoxyribonucleic Acid". They melt faces whilst quoting Asimov. I have a man-crush on these guys.

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The Manly Gamer

"Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of warm arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content." - Conan

Life is what you make of it.
I am Brolo, and I make fun of it.

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