Closing the Deal
A Vogon's heart does not sing
But dampling moans of bureaucracy.
I have filled out the forms,
Signatures have been scratched,
The Bugblatter Beast has been fed a light snack.
All is in order for a night of gruntlenubbling.
I will need you to sign right here. And here. And here.
And initial here.
And initial here.
By Rex Banner
Globes of magnificent,
Flanrobed with winsome tapestry,
Inside nor ventrated,
Phantonel over bepetaled thorns,
My ocularity decepted gorns,
Hide the serinum,
Confuddled with threads of spartlike gossimer,
Will I visualike mundlefruited trumpets?
One solemn ohm.
Thou, frazzled yet still debonair,
Flumph into thy beanbag chair.
Sprew thine touchypanel thing,
Ether blips from friends and schmoes.
I, clankjingle hopelessly.
By the grundlwalks punchnips in the air
By the grundlwalks punchnips in the air,
It would be thoust handestly entire snorflopped—scared!
Comest now, for our friddlednee may expire,
Forcing houstrapperies in my dinglewip’s frulocks.
Obsequious contusfluries appear,
Only to putulgignome thee into rambascurating our sewing.
Nullerchase betrayal: Unto deemanitz toes tread,
No more blargderoming in death.
See the vomgalites and cower at their depth
See, see the vomgalites and cower at their depth.
Do you question why the Grebulons admire you?
So easily schnocklambered by your flarbittery gait
Your only charm wasted on mirrors and Zem.
Ask why, why do you even zurple with it?
Klarfs and Yngs and gak covered dove
Those are things to smother in mutual admiration.
Thy fishy permutations
Thy fishy permutations are to me as bunckleoaths
Upon a snowy fizzpigionary, yet I do loathe
You, Bugblatter Beast, for your appetite and love you, too,
For your grizzled ways and properly Vogon work ethic.
Oh, I beg thee return, for I forgive thy appetite
Most ravenous, and pray only your own patience, and might
I, poetic goardknuckler, profess neither any
Wisdom nor beauty, just procedural efficacy!