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schmyers

Aperture Laboratories present the new Long Fall Skate! Jump the apex with the greatest of ease! Hop over that scary blocker with the crazy eyes! Let the Long Fall Skate guide you safely back to the track' free of shattered bones!* *Aperture Laboratories not responsible for future cases of rare cancers in lower extremities.

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While the Long Fall Boot is currently unavailable outside of Aperture Laboratories’ testing facilities, you can still sport the latest look in test subject fashion with these Long Fall Socks. As part of a previously mentioned test protocol, we are required to tell you that these socks won’t actually help you survive any long falls, however they will make your feet look attractive whether you’re safely on the ground or plummeting towards an imminent demise.

TYPE YOUR MIND (BUT DON'T BE A DICK)